X Marks The What Now? : I Think There May Be An Election Next Week

My article today seems to have got steven harris a little riled. He's unmissable when he's like this...

General Election: It's The Final Countdown

With less than a week to go before the UK goes to the polls there seems to be more confusion than ever about our political system. Whats the point of voting if nothing changes? With the Liberal Democrats almost certainly to experience total erradication at the polls and another 5 years of Cameron and the icy Conservatives sounding like a death sentence where do we turn? Well, I turned to the excellent documentary by Adam Curtis and trust me when I say this is not going to be comforting journey...

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs

stttttteeeeeevvvvveeee harris reviews this tremendous cartoon which has oversized balls in it...

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Transformers, robots in disguise? But where's the transforming noise they used to make? That's what I want to know. steven harris wasn't impressed either and you don't want to know what he wanted to call this review really...

N/A

I am a White, Male, Single Father living in the West and I am about to talk about discrimination. If this is something you feel I have no right to write about then please move along...

Monday Nerdy Monday: LIsticles

In a change to his normal Sunday article, steven harris writes the same thing on a Monday....

Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan

steven harris remembers with a deep ,and very unvulcan love, a film that features Spock's most emotional scene...

Through a Glass Dark Angel: A Glimpse of The Present & Future?

Romeo Kennedy casts his eye over the Cult TV series, Dark Angel...

Oblivion

steven harris really wanted to dislike the latest Tom Cruise film but a strange thing happened...

2 Sunday Nerdy Sunday - I’m Infectious Human Waste. No Wait, I’m a Bloke Writing About Fight Club

Sunday, Nerdy Sunday sees steven harris rambling about Fight Club WARNING - May not make any sense...

Buffy Season 1

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

American Psycho

With the gloriously slashy American Psycho enjoying its release on Blu Ray, David Martin looks back at the cult classic and brandishes his business cards...

Primer

steven harris wanted to like this one, honestly, he really did...

May Great A'Tuin Carry You To The Discworld In The Sky

David Martin remembers Terry Pratchett who moved on today to the great Discworld beyond...

I Am Number Four

steven harris may will think that I Am Number Four is a big pile of Number 2 but I couldn't possibly comment...

Breaking News - Strangeness In Space Casting News

Last weekend we were able to announce that Rufus Hound wanted to play Atrocious Knocious, the Rhinocerbiker, and Doon Mackichan wanted to play our (mostly) reliable Narrator Bounty Flightingale...

Sunday Nerdy Sunday: All The Time In The World

steven harris has picked up a bargain this morning and he wants to share it with you...

Rain Man

David Martin enthuses about the brilliance and performances on show in Rain Man. Who's on first base?...

Legion

steven harris casts his angelic gaze over the 2010 film starring Dennis Quaid and Paul Bettany, what could possibly go wrong...

Interview with Kneel Downe, Virulent Blurb Universe

With the release of a brand new book, An Owl's Tale: Fairy Blurbs, I caught up with Kneel Downe. The Chief Blurbmeister talks all things Virulent and what has influenced him...

Crank

Jason Statham, the guy is eye candy for the ladies but what happened to his career?...
Oh Jason of the Stathams, what the fuck have you done with your life and your career, man. You’re not like that other Jason from the first (and best) two Guy Ritchie films, Jason Flemyng, are you? His CV has genuine highlights like Layer Cake, The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttoon, Kick-Ass, X-Men First Class or Hanna to balance out the dubious movie choices such as Transporter 2, for example, starring, oh let me see now, total bad career choice maker Statham.

And you, Statham? Let’s have a quick look, shall we. The Italian Job remake – shit and pointless. Ghosts of Mars – pointless. The Pink Panther – stupid v Martin version therefore shit, pointless and angry-making. War – ludicrous. The Expendables – shiiiiiiiiit, shit, shit, shit, shitty shit.

With the exception of The Bank Job, a lesser-known tale of, er, a bank heist which boasts one of Statham’s best performances and a supporting cast that evidently wants to appear in the flim because of the script, not the paycheck, Jason S has sucked in sucky movies ever since wrapping on Snatch. (This is not a euphemism).

Crank and Crank 2 are watchable sucky movies but stupid. I know, I know, they’re meant to be dumb and over the top. It’s ironic. It’s video game television. It’s an arsefest predicated on the unfeasible resurrection of main character Chev Chelios from the first film into the second as though he’s an avatar and he can respawn at will.

There are tits and there is fucking. There is the word cunt. Twice. Oh well in that case it must be an arthouse films, right? Wrong. It’s just an uber-violent, guns as ejaculating cocks film which is why every actor in it plays a character who is a total cock. Ejaculating. Through the medium of guns.

Have you got an hour and a half that you were planning on cutting off your head with? Well don’t cut off your head, watch Crank 2. It’s a tiny bit less unpleasant. Otherwise make sure your saw is sterilised and don’t get blood on the carpet.

What? The plot? Oh do fuck off. As if the plot has any importance.

What? A longer review? Oh do fuck off. As if the film merits even this amount of words.

steven harris is adverse to putting his name in capitals because names aren't that important. Also, lower case is sexy. steven writes all sorts of stuff including fiction, poetry, songs, opinion pieces and shopping lists. He does not write on lavatory doors any more. his blog has writing in it and can be located at www.theplanetharris.wordpress.com He lives in Devon with an imaginary cat called Kafka.

Images From IMDB

Wreck It Ralph

steve harris breaks stuff up and then tries to fix it, retro gaming may be involved (Pacman dying noise)...

Raiders of The Lost Ark

David Martin celebrates some odd looking bloke with a hat and whip fixation....

Cube (Not the TV series the Film, silly)

steve harris wakes up all confuddled inside a strange metalic Cube. He might have got out alive but we still arent sure...

Star Trek: Into Darkness

steve harris often goes where no man has gone before but this is really too much..

Sunday Nerdy Sunday: Rabid I Movement

Ok, this one is really strange, even for steven harris...

Why The Bear Will Never Dance - FairyBlurbs

I have been given one of the new stories, included in Kneel Downe's brand new Virulent Blurb book. Just released today and with pictures by the awesome pen wielder that is Susan Omand, this is not a book you will want to miss..

Press Release: An Owl's Tale - FairyBlurbs

The VirulentBlurb today releases author Kneel Downe's 6th book, a book of Fairy tales, or rather, FairyBlurbs. An Owl's Tale returns the reader to a time of traveller's tales and campfire storytelling as Amelia and her companion Owl head east to begin the quest detailed in the book Amelia's Song. The tales told here stand alone and yet fit characters and stories told before and yet to come in Kneel's own unique style. They are a mix of the classical, the contemporary and the not yet invented and are as reminiscent of Carroll and Grimm as they are as new as Noon and Martin. Fairy tales and sagas that are as future proof as they are familiar.

Kneel writes like no other and constantly pushes the boundaries of what is achievable with words. With the VirulentBlurb, he has created an entire universe that ties together every project he does, no matter how unlikely the link may seem at first. As you know, "Ladybirds are full of secrets" and this collection is a Ladybird spliced with that unique Kneel Downe twist.

With a cover and illustrations by Susan Omand, An Owl's Tale, FairyBlurbs by Kneel Downe is available in paperback on Lulu now, with a Kindle version due next weekend.

Image Credit - VirulentBlurb.

Theatre Review - This Is How We Die

steven harris attends a performance of This Is How We Die at the Bike Shed Theatre, Exeter...

Jesus Christ Superstar

As it's Easter, David Martin looks at the phenominan that is Jesus Christ Superstar and why it was a really bad decision to case Chris Moyles as Herod...

As You Wish

Awwwww

David Martin packs his bags and heads to Florin, who on earth names a beautiful girl Buttercup anyway?...

The Magnificent Seven

steve harris goes all gun slingy and heads off to the Wild, Wild, West, yes now I have that song in my head as well...

The Woman In Black

David Martin takes a trip to the theatre to see the UK tour of The Woman In Black. So, how does this classic ghost story compare to the film and the original stage show....

Looper De Loop

steven harris goes loopy over looper, yes I really went there...